The Onion Should Hire Lindsey Turner!

Lindsey got hooked on satire as a high school senior in the late 1900s when she anonymously wrote, designed, and distributed several editions of a satirical newsletter roasting the school’s mediocre administration and the mean popular kids. The newsletter caused a minor stir at the school and — terrified she would be caught, suspended, not be able to graduate and escape her shitty hometown — Lindsey destroyed all the evidence and never talked about the newsletter publicly. Until now. Phew, it feels nice to finally tell someone!

Years later, as editor of her college newspaper, Lindsey orchestrated the relaunch of a semi-annual‍ ‍parody edition that students enjoyed and advertisers hated, probably because of how high quality it was.

In 2023, Lindsey successfully Kickstarted a satirical adult coloring and activity book centered around conservative clowns. During 2024 election cycle, she produced a collection of satirical yard signs that she distributed in her newly gerrymandered district to mock MAGA messaging.

Predictably, the U.S. opted for a sex offender in adult diapers over a Black woman, so after a period of intense grieving, Lindsey launched Chaotic Good Trouble, a creative resistance collective that clowns on fascists using satire, humor, and guerilla art.

All it took was getting one byline published in her college newspaper for Lindsey to catch the journalism flu (which functions like Long Covid for your earning potential). She graduated with honors and took her communications degree to Memphis, where she was hired onto the copy/design desk of the daily paper. There, she spent more than seven years designing award-winning pages, babysitting middle-aged men, and dodging layoffs.

Craving new soul-sucking middle management opportunities, Lindsey moved to Nashville to join Gannett’s flagship newspaper design hub as a team leader and, later, creative director. She found the studio to be full of hard-working, creative people who inspired her to be a stronger visual storyteller and leader in spite of a corporate mandate to suck.

The Nashville design studio was shuttered in 2017 so shareholders could purchase bigger yachts. Rather than reapply for her job, Lindsey consciously uncoupled from journalism and eventually found her way to the nonprofit sector.

Lindsey’s time in newspapers helped her hone a versatile set of skills: Extensive design and art direction experience, a penchant for impactful storytelling, and exposure to performing well in deeply dysfunctional environments. Plus she can hit a damn deadline, even if just under the wire!

As Lindsey’s prefrontal cortex was entering a crucial phase of social-emotional development, she was given unsupervised access to a brand new way of exploring the world called The World Wide Web. At first it was just ICQ and Freetel chats but then it was Google and social media and, eventually, the collapse of society. Lindsey didn’t simply witness the fire; she was born inside of it, shaped by the flames.

Now she knows the news before you do and can describe the backlash to the backlash you’re not even aware is brewing yet. The glowing rectangles that house her carefully pruned algorithms whisper things to her to help her understand. She dines daily on the zeitgeist and shits quiet despair in the form of art. This is her daily affirmation, a meditation on brainrot when it spreads to the soul.

A world gone mad may be scary for normies but it’s a world Lindsey knows intimately, as someone born and raised in Bumfuck Dixie by evangelical Christians who flew a rebel flag and an American flag together with no sense of irony whatsoever.

Watching the hateful Christofascist ideology she was raised in take over the U.S. has been a deeply painful experience for her, but it has also catalyzed her continued commitment to mockery and satire as a necessary act of creative resistance that can take many forms. Plus it feels nice to laugh.