The Onion Should Hire Lindsey Turner!

THEN: Lindsey got hooked on satire in the late 1900s when she anonymously launched, produced, and distributed a newsletter roasting her rural high school’s mediocre administration and the mean popular kids. Years later, as editor of her college newspaper, Lindsey orchestrated the relaunch of a semi-annual‍ ‍parody edition that students enjoyed and advertisers hated.

NOW: In 2023, Lindsey successfully Kickstarted an adult coloring and activity book featuring her art of the Republican clowns taking a massive shit on the U.S. Constitution. For the 2024 election cycle, she produced a collection of satirical yard signs that she distributed in her newly gerrymandered district to push back against Republican messaging.

Predictably, America opted for a sex offender in adult diapers over a Black woman, so after a month of intense grieving Lindsey launched Chaotic Good Trouble, a creative resistance collective that clowns on fascists and racists through humor and art, relying heavily on satire and parody.

THEN: All it took was getting one byline published in her college newspaper for Lindsey to catch the journalism flu (which functions like Long Covid for your earning potential). She graduated with a Mass Comm degree and headed to Memphis to join the copy/design desk of the daily paper, where she spent more than seven years designing award-winning pages and dodging layoffs.

Craving new soul-sucking middle management opportunities, Lindsey moved to Nashville to join Gannett’s flagship newspaper design hub as a team leader and, later, creative director. She found the studio to be full of creative designers who pushed her to be a stronger and more versatile visual storyteller and leader.

NOW: The Nashville studio was shuttered in 2017 so Gannett shareholders could purchase bigger yachts, and Lindsey exited the journalism industry. She took her versatile skill set — writing, design, and extensive experience operating in deeply dysfunctional environments — to the nonprofit marketing world, where she’s spent the past eight years.

THEN: Lindsey remembers a time before all she did was stare into the glowing rectangles and commune with the pixel gods in their strange language, referred to as “Shitposting.” But she knows there is no going back to that time. The pixel gods require sacrifice after sacrifice or else they will not allow a single drop of dopamine to trickle out of her withered hypothalamus. She understands she has been chosen as a soldier in the information war against the literal dumbest people anyone has ever met. She was raised by them, after all. So to please the gods, Lindsey makes sacrifices and offerings in digital publishing, social media, website content management, e-commerce management, and more. She is fluent in Gen Alpha slang.

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